Anti-mask advocates, unlike you sheeple, have proposed an exciting new theory that may help explain the soaring number of COVID cases we are currently witnessing across the US.

A hybrid team of independent researchers and policy analysts from D.C.-based think tanks with non-descript names have detailed the findings of their latest study in a new report which suggests that, not only does increased COVID testing yield more COVID-positive test results: COVID testing itself may be causing the widespread transmission of the virus!

“Our analysis, based on a thorough compilation of indexed bivariate studies across the U.S. indicates that positive COVID test results are significantly correlated with increased testing infrastructure.”

Importantly, the authors of the report noted “very rarely do we see a positive test result in towns and counties where COVID testing has not been administered.” The authors explain, “our statistical findings strongly support the hypothesis that COVID testing itself may be causing positive test results.”

Justine Rowland, spokeswoman of the Kansas City based “Ant-Mask Alliance” applauded the results of the report and the bravery of the researchers in coming forward with their findings publicly. “We have long suspected a link between COVID testing and COVID transmission. Unfortunately, this report has confirmed what we feared to be true all along: COVID testing is causing the virus to spread!” Rowland announced to her followers on Twitter.

The findings of the new report are being widely circulated among grassroots anti-mask organizers on social media. “It actually makes perfect sense, if you think about it” one reddit user chimed in. “If you’ve been paying attention to the statistics – and not the fake news – we’ve seen that immediately after testing picks up, positive results start to soar. It can’t just be a coincidence.”

Some commentators have suggested that this new theory may even explain President Trump’s sudden COVID positive diagnosis. “Did anyone notice, even with President Trump, he only tested positive after being tested for the virus. Are you telling me that’s not suspicious??” one twitter user remarked.







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